


what are these feelings i feel

by butitknewme



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Lucas is oblivious, M/M, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26686000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butitknewme/pseuds/butitknewme
Summary: lucas has a problem.in which lucas and eliott live together and lucas is very very oblivious as to why he can’t stand seeing eliott kissing other boys.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 11
Kudos: 124





	what are these feelings i feel

**Author's Note:**

> hi so this is my first fic :) it’s inspired by some reddit post i saw somewhere i think about two roommates... anyway i wrote it on a whim a couple months ago and just found it in my notes app lol so i decided to join ao3 and share it. i hope you like it!

lucas had a problem. you see, he always thought of himself as rather accepting, but his roommate eliott just... rubbed him the wrong way? he was not homophobic. he’s not. 

eliott had moved in four months ago at the start of the school year, and from their first meeting had taken the care to announce that he was pansexual and to wonder if that was a problem for lucas. of course it wasn’t - just because he was straight didn’t mean he had the right to tell other people how to live their lives. 

and eliott was a great roommate, he really was; he was kind and thoughtful, and would always run the dishwasher and do laundry even when it wasn’t his turn, and make coffee for lucas even though eliott didn’t drink it because he was such a morning person. 

but then, three months after he’d moved in, lucas had come home early from a party, excusing himself from his friends citing an early morning class, and had walked in on eliott making out with a short curly haired boy on the couch. 

lucas stood frozen for a second, letting the door fall closed with a slam behind him. the pair on the couch startled, and “the boy” fell beside eliott onto the couch from where he had been perched in his lap. 

a nauseous feeling came over lucas. god, maybe drinking on an empty stomach wasn’t such a good idea, lucas thought. 

“lucas, you okay?”

slowly lucas realized that he had been standing in the doorway staring at them, wordless. 

“yeah, yeah, sorry, i’m just feeling a little nauseous.” he flicked his eyes down and away from their gazes. “don’t let me interrupt anything though.” 

he shuffled down the hall to the bathroom, not looking up. he shut the door tightly behind him, and leaned over the sink, gripping the sides tightly. why was the image of eliott kissing “the boy” burned so strongly in the forefront of his mind? why did it make the pit of his stomach clench and turn uncomfortably?

a knock came at the door. 

“lucas? are you sure you’re okay?”

“yeah, eliott, i’m good. don’t let your drunk roommate ruin your date night.”

“no, lucas, it wasn’t a date. i sent him home.”

what? lucas opened the door, revealing a concerned eliott. 

“why?”

“because you weren’t well.”

lucas scoffed. “so? we’re roommates. it’s not your job to take care of me.”

“but -“

“no buts. people don’t turn down potential hook ups to help a mildly drunk roommate eliott, no matter how nice you are. i’ll be fine, i promise.”

lucas patted eliott lightly on the shoulder and squeezed past him, shutting the door to his room firmly behind him. 

——

after that, it happened much more often. lucas would come from school, or studying with imane, or a bar, and find eliott making out with a guy in the living room or the kitchen or even, once, the laundry room. worse were the days that they stuck to eliott’s room instead, lucas trying to block out the noises emitted from the other side of his wall. 

and each time it happened, the same drop in his stomach, the clenching feeling, the feeling of revoltion that rolled throughout his body. 

so, lucas has a problem. he’s not homophobic, he’s not, but why did watching eliott stick his tongue down a random boy’s throat make him want to gag?

he couldn’t exactly ask him to stop doing it. it was eliotts apartment too, and his space and his life to do what he wanted. 

and so lucas took to coming home in the late hours of the night, when he could be sure that eliott and whoever he had over were already asleep. 

except one day, when he was creeping through the living room at 12:15am, a figure stood from the couch.

“lucas.”

lucas jumped. “jesus christ eliott! you scared the shit out of me.”

“sorry,” he said softly as he approached lucas. “it wasn’t my intention.” 

“it’s okay, i just didn’t see you there. what are you doing up anyway?”

“catching up on some school work. but why are you coming home so late? why have you been coming home so late? it feels like you’re avoiding me.”

“no, no, eliott. it’s just that i’ve been super busy and i’ve been studying over at friends’.” 

“well you know you can have them over here too right? i really don’t mind.”

“no, but your guests might,” lucas muttered under his breath. 

“what?”

lucas sighed. “nothing. i don’t mind going over there, really. i can get more done.”

“why? lucas, are you like ashamed of me or something? why don’t you bring anyone around?”

“eliott just drop it please, okay? jeez. i think you bring enough guests for the both of us.”

eliott’s eyebrows drew together. 

“what does that mean?”

“it means the reason i don’t bring people around, eliott, is because it’s hard to concentrate when you’re fucking random ass guys in the other room! i don’t need to hear that!”

lucas regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, but he was too stubborn to do anything but hold eliott’s gaze challengingly. 

he watched as eliott’s face fell. 

“i’m sorry, i didn’t know. i can try to —“

“no, eliott, don’t do me any favors. just accept that i don’t have to be home by your curfew and leave me alone, okay?”

and with that, lucas pushed past him and stormed to his room. he leaned against his shut door as soon as he was inside and cursed. why was he so upset? eliott was just trying to be nice. what an uptight, homophobic prude eliott must think he was. 

“fuck,” lucas cursed aggressively under his breath, and fell face first onto his bed. 

—-

the next morning, there was no coffee made and eliott had already left for school when lucas woke up. he was running late, as he had snoozed multiple alarms, desperate for more sleep after having tossed and turned well into the early hours of the morning.

lucas stumbled into his first class, collapsing into a chair beside his best friend yann. he felt a poke in the side of his ribs. 

“yo. why do you look more dead than usual?”

lucas groaned, and pulled himself from his face first position with considerable effort.

“ugh. eliott didn’t make coffee this morning and i ran all the way here after having slept through three alarms.”

yann snorted. “dude, eliott makes your coffee for you? you’re so spoiled.” 

“shut up,” lucas grumbled, and turned to the front as the professor called the class to order. 

the day dragged on painfully, until finally, finally, lucas packed up from his last class of the day and made his way to the courtyard to meet his friends. 

he came up to where imane, basile, and yann were standing, and sidled up next to the latter. 

“hey, do you think i could come to yours to hang out this afternoon?”

yann glanced down at him, disengaging from the conversation between basile and imane. “yeah, sure, of course. we should head out soon, though, or we’ll have to wait 30 minutes for the next bus.”

lucas nodded in agreement, and the two of them waved goodbye to their friends before heading off across the quad to reach the bus stop. lucas was busy scanning the time tables posted to the side of the stop when he heard yann call out a “hey, man!”

lucas glanced over, and felt his heart sink. of course. thanks, universe. because there was eliott demaury, rapidly approaching from 15 meters away, smiling broadly at yann.

his smile dimmed a bit when he saw lucas, and he slowed a bit. lucas stood staring at the ground, scuffing his shoe against the concrete. yann looked between them confused. 

“hey,” eliott tried awkwardly. 

lucas glanced up at him briefly, then away, giving a non-committal hum. yann’s bus pulled up to the curb, and lucas quickly rushed inside, followed shortly by yann. lucas stared pointedly ahead of him as they pulled away, ignoring both eliott and yann. 

however, it’s hard to ignore someone sitting right next to you. as soon as eliott was out of sight, yann turned over to him: 

“okay, so what’s the problem?”

“there’s no problem.”

yann raises an eyebrow at lucas. “is this about the coffee this morning? because that really shouldn’t be his job, lucas.”

“no! i mean, yea, sort of, but no. it’s just - ugh. we sort of fought last night and we haven’t spoken since. so that’s why it was kind of awkward.”

yann furrowed his brows. “fought? like over who does the dishes?”

“no, it’s sort of complicated. i don’t really want to talk about it.” 

luckily, the bus pulled up to their stop, and lucas seized the opportunity to dart off, attempting to avoid further questioning. 

he should’ve known that yann wouldn’t have given up easy, though. as soon as they dropped their bags on the ground and plopped down on the couch, he turned abruptly to face lucas. 

“you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

lucas shifted uncomfortably and looked away. “yeah.”

“so why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?”

“it’s stupid.”

yann gave lucas another raised eyebrow. lucas sighed. “promise you won’t judge?”

“i promise.”

lucas exhaled deeply. “okay. it’s just —. you know how eliott’s pansexual, right?”

yann nodded. 

“and so lately he’s been bringing home guys, like night after night, and i mentally don’t have any problem with it, but like physically every time i see him and some guy making out in my kitchen or cuddling on my couch, or worst yet, hear them...doing it in his room, i feel intensely...grossed out. and i don’t want to feel that way, but i just do, so i’ve been avoiding him and going home really late at night and last night he called me out on it and i kind of flipped and yelled at him... and yeah.”

yann considered him carefully. 

“lucas, i don’t think you’re homophobic. i mean you used to room with mika in high school, and from what you’ve told me, you’ve caught him in far more compromising positions, and yeah, you said you didn’t enjoy the sight, but it was mostly because you had no desire to see your roommate naked. my point is, you never had this reaction to mika and his boyfriends. so why now?”

lucas stuttered. he hadn’t thought of that. “i— i don’t know.”

“have you considered that maybe you’re jealous?”

lucas screwed his brows together, confused. “what?”

“jealous. of the people eliott was with.”

“yann, i’m straight.”

“i’m just saying, the feeling you’re describing sounds a lot like jealousy. just think on it, okay?”

and yann turned away, starting up a solo video game and leaving lucas to his thoughts as he sat there reeling. 

it was impossible. he didn’t like eliott, not like that. he was straight.   
but then the unfaithful part of his mind wandered, and he began to wonder what it would be like to kiss eliott. to climb onto eliott’s lap and kiss him into the couch or sit on the kitchen counter with eliott between his legs or sit snugly in his arms as they watched a movie. and though he tried to shake these newfound notions from his head, they only grew. and yann’s words started to make sense. 

“but. but if i am, what does that mean?”

yann turned back over to look at lucas, pausing his game. and though it had been ten minutes since either of them last spoke, he knew exactly what lucas was talking about. 

“it doesn’t have to mean anything big, lucas. you don’t need to worry about labels or anything yet, or ever. i think you do owe eliott an apology though, even if you don’t want to give the explanation.”

—-  
and so lucas went home at 5:00pm that day with eliott’s favorite chinese take out food. 

he entered the living room nervously, one hand clutched around the food and the other flitting between his pockets and his hair. eliott looked up at him from a drawing he was doing. 

“look, eliott, i’m sorry about last night. i don’t really know what came over me, and im sorry i yelled at you.”

he raised his right arm with the food. “truce?”

eliott gave a small smile and made room for him on the couch. lucas sat down beside him and starting unloading the food from the bag. eliott looked at him intently. 

“but lucas, i still want to understand where you’re coming from. what is it about the people i bring home that you can’t stand? is it just the sex or do you not like them around at all? is it because they’re guys?”

lucas looks up quickly. “no! of course not.”

“but you were never bothered when lucille used to come over.”

lucas looked away from eliott, staring at a spot on the floor. how do i make him understand without telling him how i feel? it would make things so awkward and he’s such a good person he doesn’t need to worry about how to deal with me and all my weird feelings. 

but lucas was silent for too long. 

“seriously? so it is because they’re guys.” eliott scoffs and turns away from lucas. “really, lucas?”

“it’s not!”

“really,” eliott threw back, sarcastic and skeptical. 

“it’s not! it’s just.... i just....”

“because it seems to me that as soon as i start bringing guys home you freak out and start avoiding me. i mean if it grosses you out that much-“

“it doesn’t gross me out, eliott-“

but eliott continues over him. “- at least have the balls to admit it, but don’t sit there and deny whatever internalized homophobia you have that makes you think me kissing another boy is disgusting—“ 

“i don’t think it’s disgusting, eliott! it’s because i like you!”

eliott freezes, mid-rant, his hands still held in front of him dramatically and mouth open. 

he drops his hands and furrows his brow. “what?”

lucas mentally cursed himself. fuck fuck fuck why did i say that? oh god i’ve ruined everything - 

“nothing,” lucas murmured and tried to stand to retreat to his room. 

but eliott grabbed his arm and pulled him back down to the couch. lucas still didn’t look at him. 

“you like me?” a pause, but lucas doesn’t answer.   
“i thought you were straight.”

lucas sighs deeply and twists farther away from eliott on the couch, but finally looks up at him. “well, so did i.”

eliott gapes at him. “you’re not?”

“i don’t know, eliott, yann just made me realize today that i like you! i have no idea what it means!”

eliott breaks into a wide grin. “you like me?”

tears prick at lucas’ eyes, and he looks away. “please don’t mock me. okay? it’s nothing. it doesn’t have to change anything.” 

eliott scooches closer to lucas on the couch. “no, lucas, i like you too. god, i’ve liked you since i met you.” 

lucas blinks up at him, surprised. “what?”

eliott gives a light laugh, and takes one of lucas’ hand in his. “yeah. my friends told me it was a bad idea to move in with the cute straight boy, but i wouldn’t listen. i just wanted to get to know you better. that’s why i broke up with lucille soon after i moved in, because i realized i just wasn’t interested in her anymore. and then yeah, three months later my friends made me realize it probably wasn’t healthy to sit around pining after you, so i started going out more, and ended up filling the lucas sized hole in my life with other small, cute blond boys.”

“oh. wow.”

eliott gave him an embarrassed smile and looked away. “yeah. wow.”

“can i kiss you?” 

eliott’s breath stuttered and he looked up quickly at lucas. “yes. yes please.”

and so lucas leaned forward slowly, eliott mirroring his movements until they met in the middle, their lips a mere inch apart. lucas glanced all over eliott’s face, from his eyes down to his lips. then he closed his eyes, and closed the gap between them. 

their lips met in a soft pull. eliott’s hands came up to cup lucas’ cheeks. it was foreign and surprising, but it just felt so right. lucas leaned in further and deepened the kiss, reveling in the way eliott’s soft lips moved against his, how their tongues moved together deliciously. he moved, coming up to straddle eliott’s lap for a better angle. he kissed and kissed him, until they broke apart, gasping for air. 

“holy shit,” eliott panted beneath him. he looked irresistible, with his hair askew, eyes blown wide and lips red and swollen. 

lucas laughed lightly and came to rest his forehead on eliott’s. “holy shit indeed.”

they stayed like that as they caught their breath. 

lucas broke the silence. “so does this make us boyfriends now?”

eliott ran his hands through lucas’ hair. “this can make us whatever you want it to make us.”

“i want that. i want to be your boyfriend.”

eliott’s grin could have rivaled the sun. “then i want that too.” 

“does this mean no more random boys in here?”

“no more random boys.”

lucas nodded, before flicking his gaze down to where his hands fiddled with the front of eliott’s shirt. “and...and do you think you could give me some time to figure all this out? it’s all new to me.”

“of course, babe. i’ll give you all the time in the world.” he pulled lucas down to his chest and hugged him tightly.

—— 

eliott looked over at the boy beside him, marveling in the way the sun skipped over his hair and highlighted his nose, his eyes, the tips of his ears. he squeezed lucas’ hand tighter in his, and lucas glanced over at him smiling, before looking forward again. 

eliott still couldn’t believe he got to call lucas his. he had practically given up hope ten months ago, but even when he tried to move on with countless other people, it was still lucas he came home to, lucas who occupied his thoughts. and then that glorious day when he learned lucas liked him back. 

it had been a quick six months since then, and lucas had really grown into himself. now they could walk hand in hand down the street unabashedly as they did now, and kiss in front of their friends, and do everything that boyfriends did. 

eliott was pulled from his day dreaming as they reached the bar. lucas took the lead, pushing open the door and pulling eliott through behind him. they made their way over to where their friends were sitting. the table looked up as they approached, and shouted a chorus of greetings. there were about eleven of them crowded around the small table, so eliott chose a spot on the bench and pulled lucas into his lap, which lucas didn’t object to, wriggling down, comfortably and pecking a short kiss onto eliott’s cheek before turning back to the table.

their friends, however, did object. loudly.   
“uh-huh, nope, you guys are always all over each other, it’s annoying. not everyone gets to be sickeningly in love,” emma protested. others shouted their agreement. 

“come and sit over here next to me, lucas, there’s space for a chair,” offered basile, but lucas shook his head firmly, and pressed closer to eliott, who was happy to oblige, arms coming to wrap around lucas’ middle. 

“nope, deal with it,” lucas proclaimed. “it’s not my fault you guys are losers.”

and to the shout of protests that followed, lucas turned around the kissed eliott deeply, robbing him of his breath and ability to think straight. kissing lucas still had that affect on him. when they broke apart, lucas threw a smug look at the now quiet and glaring table, and called over the waiter as if nothing had happened. 

eliott buried his face into the back of lucas’ head and inhaled deeply. god, he loved this boy.


End file.
